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 CUTTERS

Most of them cut themselves with knives, razor blades, broken glass, nails, also nail biting, paper clips, pins, scissors, tacks, anything they can get their hands on. There are people who bang ther head against walls again and again. Others punch themselves in their own faces. Some also burn their own skin. Moreover they don´t sleep. Some of them throw themselves through panes of glass. What´s more people who often punch themselves in the stomach, legs and head. Many cutters bite or scratch themselves bloody. They are people who always feel extremly anxious and or numb to the world for periods of time until they hurt their body to break out of it, to feel alive, to feel anything at all. They interfere with the healing of their wounds. They wear turtelnecks and long sleeves to hide the evidence. Some cutters also pick with fingers in their own eyes. Others punch walls till their hand go all bruised and bloody. Some also set their hair and or skin on fire. If the worst comes to the worst they swallow batteries so they´ll open up inside them, burning their organs with batterie acid. Moreover, they swallow broken glass, razor blades or needles. Some cutters hit themselves with blunt objects. They are people who try to break their own bones. Others expose their body to extreme weather conditions without wearing protectiv clothing so they´ll get frostbite or sunburn or chills and fevers. There are also some who stare directly into the sun until it nearly blinds them. They even might pull out their hair.

They are not sucidial, although a third of them is expected to be dead within five years. They suffer from what is called by some "Deliberate Self Harm Syndrome," by others "complex post-traumatic stress disorder" (PTSD), "Repetitive Self-Harm Syndrome" or "multiple personality/dissociative identity disorders" (MPD/DID). Many of these people simply call themselves "cutters," and some simply call what they do SI, or self-injury, and use SI as a verb, as in "I SI once a month".

Abuse of children has a long history. Many cutters come from families with a history of alcohol and/or drug abuse, sexual misuse and sometimes mental illness. Self-injury is a self-preservation technique for many cutters; the self-mutilation relieves anxiety and/or depersonalization symptoms which could lead to psychosis or suicide if not alleviated. Self-harm can be focusing, calming. It can give a person a feeling of control over his/her life and his/her body which he/she has experienced no other way. For many cutters, self-mutilation seems the only appropriate response to the state of the world and to how they're feeling about it and about themselves. Many cutters are extremely intelligent, sensitive, and creative people who have a hyper-sensitivity to the world around them. They may feel like an open wound walking through this extremely screwed up world while most people seem happily oblivious to all that's wrong with everything.

There are many reasons why people cut themselves. First of all I´d like to say that many hate themselves. Most of them react sensitive on refusal. Some of them are chronical aggressive but focus it on themselves. Others are very impulsive and often cannot gain control over their impulses. The majority of cutters is depressive and sucidial. Most of them cannot deal with emotions. Others can never or hardly talk with anybody about their problems. Some of them think that they cannot succeed in their lives. A large number of cutters feels anlone no matter where they are. What´s more cutters are people who incline to live in the moment and don´t plan their future. Others incline to suppress their panic. Some of them suffer from chronical panic or anxiety attacks. Most of them are easily irritable. Many cutters have no selfconfidence. Others think that they have no power.

A short story:

A friend of mine, lets call her Sabsi to protect her true identity started cutting when she was 14 years old. She experienced sexual misuse in her childhood when she was 8 years old. But her parents helped her in this hard period of her life. She told me that her father wasn´t really nice to her. Sometimes she felt so alone that she thought that she must die. She cut becouse she wanted to injure herself. She thought it was her fault that her dad wasn´t nice to her. For now she has quitt cutting. But she doesn´t know how long she can manage it. She hates herself. And she cannot be with a boy who loves her and so she draws back. She doesn´t want to make a therapy because she is afraid of talking about her life. Now I stop talking about her becouse she doesn´t want me to tell you more.

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